A letter to myself (from childhood until now)

Dear Bharath,

This is your inner self writing to you out of anger and disgust. Oh sorry, i forgot to ask you how you’re doing and you know what? I don’t care. But I’m asking you as a formality, How’re you, idiot?

I finally got a chance to voice my opinion on you and your stupid decisions that damaged this guy beyond repair. Now hear me out loud.

I said stop dad and mum from fighting and yelling at each other, go and interfere in the fight. You wanted to sit and cry. You were supposed to stop some unknown guys coming home and taking money from your mum saying her husband told them they could take it from her, but you chose to sit and watch. I said stop your dad when he’s thrashing her and verbally abusing you when he’s drunk (he was always drunk) you said you would hide in the shelves and cry and guess what!? You won. I wanted you to tell him not to hit you, but you let him hit you. I never liked mom hitting You even though you’re 24. But you let her saying it’s all your fault and you need to be published.

When in school, all my classmates bullied me, You were supposed to tell me to strike back. You let me get bullied and beaten. You always craved for dad’s love which you’d never get. Even though you care, dad doesn’t give a shit, all he wants is for you to get settled and make his wrongdoings right. Yeah, good luck on that. You want your family to change? Don’t you know it’s impossible? You still wanna try harder?
You don’t even have a career for yourself, what’re you gonna do?

I wanted you to go to college. You never listened. instead, you bunked college and were busy smoking and drinking with the friends who would manipulate you and humiliate you in the coming days. I told you not to fall in love unless you land a good job, you didn’t listen to me. I know you wanna make it up to your sister, I know you’re sorry.
I’m sorry too ‘cuz i don’t know what to do either. I don’t know what made you grow emotionally from each other but I know you love her. Do anything that’s possible to get her back. I want you to work harder and keep your family happy. Make sure your girlfriend never cries because of you because she’s the one helping you get through all this mess.

Take care of yourself, talk to yourself often and believe in me, your inner self.
(I need more rock music)
Don’t blame others for what you are. It’s all your own fault.
Take care kiddo.

Yours sincerely (really?)
Your inner self.

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21 thoughts on “Day Eight: Reinvent the Letter Format

  1. I love how you expressed yourself so deeply here! Clearly, someone made you feel like you were to blame and an idiot. It was not your fault, nothing that happened as a child is your fault or responsibility. To this day, I hear my father’s harsh words beating us down. When my own husband walks in the room, or my niece, sometimes, it will startle me so badly, as if I am constantly in defense mode. A result of being abused, neglected, watching alcoholism and drug abuse as a child. I felt your pain as I read your post. I am reading your posts while getting your email. I’m glad we came across each other. I hope I can help you keep pressing on to the next day, as a friend.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I promise you, when you see my next few posts, I get it. People blame others for their actions to divert attention. It is hard. It’s a daily battle. I am motivated to win it though to show those bastards who did not even deserve to have children, they didn’t win!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Awwwhhh…I hate you calling yourself ‘idiot’ and belittling yourself! You did the VERY BEST you could do at the time…that’s what we all do. You have TODAY…and the choices you make today. I encourage you to speak kindly and lovingly to yourself…it makes a HUGE difference.

        Liked by 1 person

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