How does it feel?

How does it feel to have the same routine everyday? You wake up, go out, come back home and repeat the same until you lost track of the last time you were happy with yourself?

You have a phone but no one calls, there’s internet but no one texts, there’s YouTube and you watch either motivational videos or something that makes you laugh; you walk around people, talking what you seldom mean trying to create an image for yourself rarely realizing nobody cares, you gulp down food but not actually eat like you should, when you laugh but it doesn’t come from the heart, each time you cry, you feel shallow inside and wonder whatever happened to your smile. How does it feel?

You’re lost in thoughts riding your bike, the only thing remarkable and satisfying is sleep, when whatever you wear doesn’t make you look good because you think you’re shit, when you fail to impress people because you’re not impressed with yourself, when you’re overachiever yet an underperformer, you go to work not because you want to but because you should, how does it feel?

How does it feel when you’re alive but there’s no life to you?

Have you ever thought of what you’re doing to yourself?

Look around, look at the world;

Nobody gives a shit about you.

About time you did.

75 thoughts on “How does it feel?

  1. Hey what’s a person without some self defenceπŸ™‚. Sorry rambled on there. Wish there were quick fixes, but you’ll see, all this ll be worth it. Mayn’t sound nice to hear. Hate it when someone tells me that yet it’s a fact. 2 years at least for a heart to stop actively missing a dear one we’ve lost. After that you’ll write different poetry. I’ll be cheering you from here πŸ˜‡

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  2. And the journey isn’t only in your 20s. Love,marriage,kids,losses,gains,answered/unanswered stuff they all hinge on your ability to understand theres much more to life my’me’. Its what the butterfly is post-cucoon. It’s what the baby is with teeth. Its who I am when feet are cut and I find wings. We can argue about wings till we’re green blue, but the spirit is real. We are more than flesh n blood

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  3. Ah’m. You’re a writer, artist. When I started painting, one of my mentors told me to use my energies deep in there and translate it onto canvas. Now, the day I don’t feel anything is when I’m deadpan. Now I don’t wait for the phone to ring, its rings much though now. But its lost its grip on me. I guess the trick is to evaluate what i am, all by myself, no support pillars.

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  4. Banter, you have more people who care about you than you think. Not many express it, that’s the problem.
    You mean something to this crazy world and you definitely make it a better place to live in. πŸ˜ŠπŸ’›

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I dunno how… But today’s post left me, should I say, numb nd kinda senseless for a while…. Its a lot relatable to what’s happening with me too….with so much of strife nd controversies, I am afraid to trust anyone now, even at times, I’m confused bout the future decisions…nd then comes your post… Felt like someone had portrayed my own thoughts…. A realisation dawns upon that u gotta love yourself nd live for yourself, no one else cares… As reflected by the last lines…. Thnx for sharing this….!

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  6. As I was reading your post , I could feel the pain and also relate some of what you said to my own personal life. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m sick and tired of my day job and everything that comes with it yet i am grateful to even have a job at all ! I have other things going on too but one thing I wanna say to you is … you gotta figure out a way to let your pain EMPOWER you rather than giving it power over you!
    Chin up B !! ❀️ praying for you & sending lots of LOVEEEEEE & Positive Vibes Your Way!! 😘

    https://jessierenea.com/self-care-health-fitness-journey/

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m trying, Jessica, I really am trying to make sense of it all. I know not many people have jobs but not all of those who have are satisfied either.
      It’s not only about work but I was referring to life in general. It lost it’s essence. It’s bland, you get me?
      Always glad to have a conversation with you, makes my day. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I sensed that you were talking about life in general , I was speaking about my work life from a personal perspective. I got you though!! Stay strong ❀️

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so sorry… I hate to hear that 😒 Well, I’m sending all my good vibes your way this week. I know it is easier said than done, but keep your head up..if all else fails, remind yourself there’s a group of people out there that think you are one hell of a writer!! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 2 people

          1. Okay! I am so sorry…I don’t think I should have joked here…I was kind of just brightening the mood!
            All I want to say is that, just know that you are strong enough to survive this. Sometimes, life feels like a torture you know; monotonous, boring and even a torture…a standstill, but I often feel that whenever we come across such situations in life where we feel stuck, stuck at a chapter and unable to turn the page, there is some lesson which life wanted to teach us and we overlooked it! Life is a strict teacher you see, you won’t graduate or get promoted to the next phase until you learn your lessons well! Just sit with yourself and observe, what is it that you refused to pay attention to and then make a conscious decision to learn that! (I often write a letter addressing myself…helps a lot)
            I hope this helps…Sorry for the terribly long comment!

            Liked by 2 people

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