Dis mrng I wanted to annoy ppl who flw me here on my blog with lingo. So here I’m, typng wrds tht miss lettrs here n der. Tryng my best to do it but it’s not enuf. Have u noticed no we also change spellings of wrds so dey r short n tak less time to type?
Or ShuD I TyPe In KeWl LanguaGe?
“Hey! I heard that u a playah? Uhh.. hi, um da coach.” Said a woman on her WhatsApp status. What the duck? (Because fuck is too mainstream but fuck it, no duck it. Man, fuck the duck. No, don’t.) Why though? I was never a playah, heck, I never even knew what it meant. Since u da coach, teach me, maybe?
A few years ago, like a decade ago (decade has a few years in it, right? Do I even make sense?). Fuck it. Fuck, I said it again. I must stop it. So, a few decades ago, oh, hell no! A few years ago, there was this girl I asked for directions in my native language and do you know how she responded?? “Wheywt?” See? I don’t even know how to spell it so I made it up myself. I mean, it’s simple, plain old ‘what’ pronounced in the grossest way possible to show she’s got attitude. Why though? English is just another language which I don’t know why people fancy all the time. Why’s it something to show off?
‘Don’t copy my attitude, I have my own’. How the hell can I copy your attitude? Are you a xerox copier? The same girl who’s so proud of her poshness once texted me, “werau”. I mean, what the fuck does that even mean? I mean, it doesn’t necessarily mean. Does it? What am I blabbering about? God! But yeah, what did she want to say? There were no punctuations either! Was that a question or a statement? Or an expression? A good ten minutes later, I decoded it to be “where are you?” Because she’s been waiting for me. How’s that posh, babe? I sound like a low class lackey compared to ya, gal. I once texted my friend that I’m waiting for him and his reply was “w8” what the fuck, man? And done even get me started about those who reply “f9, wbu?” when asked “how’ve you been?” What the hell is wbu? Oh, wait a sec, that lazy ass said “what about you?” Man! Lingo gets to my nerves.
To all those daddy’s little princesses, who blow the candles and kiss the earth on your birthdays, the introverts who are so extroverted and grumbling fake bibliophiles you rock!
Oh, m sry, I frgt abt mah lingo.
Uh ah nawt osum, ah am.
U bad, um ua dad.
U da playah, um da coach.
I hope I annoyed you enough to stop reading my posts. Thank you.
Let there be my palm in your face!
Disclaimer: for all the morons who’re offended, it’s not my intention hurt anyone’s feelings. JK! It’s all in good humour.😛😛