And my mind rambles on.


I still remember sitting alone on the staircase talking to myself. Sometimes I wonder, is it just me? Or do people go through this phase of not being able to make any friends? Man, I really miss that staircase. He sat with me, my friend; the one I couldn’t see but talk to, the one that doesn’t speak but listens.

We watched other kids play, stuck to TV all day, we were inseparable! There were good days and bad but there wasn’t a day he wasn’t there. The guy faded with my innocence. There are things you bury within yourself as you grow up, right? That nonchalant kid that you once were.. where is he? How could you let him die? I ask myself this.

Life has forced me to chase people and goals; that shallow fuck. I could neither get people nor have any goals. Before you label me an aimless piece of shit, let me tell you something:

“Fuck off”.

Have you ever thought of what you have become? What you had to let go of before life made you this living carcass? Is this what you really wanted to be? If you say yes, you’re a lying piece of shit.

Ghosts aren’t dead people coming back.

Ghosts are the parts of you that were killed so you could chase what life and society threw at you.

Do you remember that freedom you had as a kid? The freedom is still here. The kid isn’t.

And you’re fucked up.

158 Comments Add yours

  1. amanita says:

    I’ve come a long way from childhood to my present state of That-careless-woman-always-laughing-in-the-face-of-everyone-who-has-goals-in-life 🙂It was decades of work for hundreds of people using torture tools like open violence, humiliation, high treason, deprivation, gaslighting, exploitation without pity, disappointing, open lies, group pressure, manipulation, ransacking, obstracism, and last not least amputation of body parts and people who were important to me🙂I don’t know if that thing I see in the mirror is me, at least it’s far away from the person I once wanted to be. But there is an indestructible core, a kind of parallel world constantly at work inside me, which no one knows.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Careless woman always laughing in the face? I like that. What are you like now??

      Like

      1. amanita says:

        First I am a smooth liar, second I don’t care about anyone except the very small circle of people I count as The Family, third I have no goals in life any more😄What about you?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I dont know, I’ve never thought about myself seriously.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. amanita says:

            Right you are😉

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Arushi says:

    When we were kids, we were physically caged but our minds were free. Now, when we are grown ups, we are physically free but our minds and hearts are caged in the deepest pits.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wise words there, Arushi. Couldn’t agree more.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Anisha says:

    I’m gonna save this. Loved your definition of ghosts.

    Staircases hold so many memories in all phases of life!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Anisha 🙂

      Like

  4. Bulbul says:

    Ahh!! *Sigh* Talks which we constantly try to run away from because then everything else that we do start to seem meaningless. All our experiences due to life and people around malign our cleanest of the canvas and we like a wounded soldier try so hard to protect that one corner in which we can recognize ourselves even if for a brief fleeting moment before it all fades away again, into the meaningless drudgery of everyday life.
    Love this post, Bharath. 👍🖤🙏 Cheers 🤗

    Liked by 5 people

    1. It never fades for me. Thoughts like those haunt me throughout. I do believe it’s all meaningless.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bulbul says:

        I get it, I try very hard to keep those thoughts as far as possible to a murmur, like a noise in the background. Its everpresent, continuous yet its hard to get used to it, I haven’t. It works on good days but there are worst phases too.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Those thoughts are what make me feel alive. I can’t let them go.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Bulbul says:

            Of course, but at times the cost involved might be to much to bear for some.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. That’s true too

              Liked by 1 person

  5. Harsh says:

    You ain’t the only one.

    The kid got buried alive.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. AP2 says:

    Love this post man. It’s spot on! Our fucked up society did a good job of fucking up our ideas of what it means to be free. We teach our children terrible things so that they can be “successful” like us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Chase the dreams of your forefathers and future bearers but not yours.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Yep. Definitely not

    Liked by 2 people

  8. aathmana02 says:

    The four walls of my room had always been like your ‘stairs’… Best friend.. and you’d laugh if you knew what sort of things I share with them!! from trivial matters to serious life changing decisions. But they never backstabbed me unlike others.
    Its true that We feel more comfortable with non living things… Cuz they don’t judge! And will be with you as long as you want!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I always thought you weren’t normal. 😛

      Like

      1. aathmana02 says:

        Well, look who’s saying!🤣

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My point exactly 😂

          Like

          1. aathmana02 says:

            Not really! 😅😂
            Scape goat!🤣

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Delusional kid. 😂😂

              Like

            2. aathmana02 says:

              “Meh! Whatever!”

              😏

              Liked by 1 person

            3. Yeah. Give up.

              Like

            4. aathmana02 says:

              Hope you first! 😏

              Like

  9. aathmana02 says:

    Broooooo!!! You make us all think and think and think and think and think…… Until our brain fuses!
    Such a meaningful.. and 🤩🤩🤩🤩
    You would’ve sensed by now.. how much I have loved this one!🤩

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Don’t think, just heal yourself for now. 😂
      Thank you sis. 🙂

      Like

      1. aathmana02 says:

        😅I’m trying! Unlike you!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh hello! I’m healing.

          Like

            1. aathmana02 says:

              Why do I get the vibe that you’re lying!?

              Like

            2. Because you always get the wrong vibes

              Like

            3. aathmana02 says:

              Not this time!

              Like

  10. Dhara Joshi says:

    Maybe! That kid also lost in those memories

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Kamya Seervi says:

    You had the staircase, I had my empty swings. But, now it’s better, because I’m here.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love swing sets.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kamya Seervi says:

        Do you swing slow or fast?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Depends. Sometimes I just sit.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Kamya Seervi says:

            Me too. When I want to ponder, I just sit.

            Liked by 1 person

  12. Tisha says:

    Man… I still talk to myself… 😅 Is it that wierd? Glad that I’m not the only one.. Great Post yet again Bharath!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s not weird. I do that all the time. 😂
      Thanks Tisha. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Chetna says:

      Freedom is conditional, haina!
      Freedom came with that kid in us and that kid is somewhere dormant in us and so the freedom.
      Man, changes suck!! And when we look back now, we realise that what all we have left in the way to come here. There are things that are better not with us. But we all long for the good ones!! Even now, we all are better in some ways and sucking in the others. Anyways, can’t help it.
      We gotta follow with what life throws at us! 😂😂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Kabhi kabhi mere jaise baat karte ho aap 😂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Chetna says:

          Aap aisa freedom vali line ki vajah se kh rhe ho naa?

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Chetna says:

              Hehe. Vo line maine aapke post me se hi padhi thi and i remember it.😎
              btw, it feels great to defy the generation gap. Old uncle and young girl think alike. Whoa!!😂🤪

              Liked by 1 person

            2. Acha? Aur Kya lagra aapko??

              Liked by 1 person

            3. Chetna says:

              Ap kuch aur sunnna chahte the kya??😅😅

              Liked by 1 person

            4. Nai Kuch bhi sun lunga me 😂😂

              Liked by 1 person

    3. Chetna says:

      I think exactly the same. It’s as if there is a voice in my head constantly blurting out strange things.😂🙈😁

      Liked by 1 person

  13. We grow to become very different people. The kid in us probably won’t recognise us

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah that’s what I thought.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. She’s on a roll 😂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I was! But then I got a message that I wasn’t authorised to view one of your recent posts. Something about a TV?? Does it ring a bell?

        Like

        1. Hahah! I scheduled it for tonight. 😬

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I thought so 😛

            Liked by 1 person

  15. Anushk@ says:

    Man, I really miss those staircases too!
    So many memories, be it at home, at workplace, these stairs made be nostalgic.
    And the way you have written this, I felt as if you’re narrating this sitting right infront of me.
    I loved it Bharathhhhhhh..!!
    And this post of yours has topped the list of my favorites.
    SAVED!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Yeah I know. Stairs are scary sometimes. They’re haunted by memories. 😂😂
      You flatter me, Anushka.
      Thank you so much.
      (Bhuup?)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Anushk@ says:

        Bhhuuuuuuuuuup 👊👊 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Shruti says:

    This is relatable and well written, nice job!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Shruti says:

        Would really appreciate if you checked out my work too, thanks

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Era says:

    It’s not just with you
    Great post 👌

    Liked by 3 people

  18. HappySoul says:

    Not just you…

    Liked by 3 people

      1. HappySoul says:

        Not exactly, but I used to talk to an imaginary friend 😆.

        Liked by 4 people

        1. Cheers to that! 🤩🤩

          Liked by 2 people

  19. Nathi says:

    Highly relatable and I do agree with you, brother! However, maybe we can’t be the same kid again but we can still be a better version of ourselves. It maybe hard to believe but it is possible to live the life of our dreams (only if we dare to!).

    Liked by 4 people

    1. (We can’t dare to and you know why)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Nathi says:

        Yes I know why because we make excuses, blame it all on the society, sometimes even ourselves (which doesn’t help either) and we let ourselves fail thinking about if only’s.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. You got that right.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Nathi says:

            I know😅✌️

            Liked by 2 people

      1. Nah! I didn’t. I was talking about other weirdos like you

        Liked by 4 people

        1. I’m not a weirdo 😂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Yeah. Weirdos say that

            Liked by 4 people

            1. Kamya Seervi says:

              I’m a weirdo and I keep telling people that 😂

              Liked by 2 people

            2. 😀 At least you agree once in awhile, not like some other folks here. (And just to you, I am one too 🙃🤫)

              Liked by 1 person

            3. Oye! You’re supposed to be asleep. 😂

              Liked by 1 person

            4. I don’t want to miss it when people are roasting you here 🤓

              Like

            5. Ah! Another one joins the gang. Great.

              Liked by 1 person

            6. Kamya Seervi says:

              Hehe, nice to know that you’re one too. ☺️

              Liked by 1 person

            7. aathmana02 says:

              😅😂🤣yayyyy! I have got company to roast someone!😅
              And yeah.. you’re absolutely right!!😅😅

              Liked by 2 people

            8. aathmana02 says:

              Achodaaaa..(pity)..you are the bull for slaughter here!😅

              Liked by 1 person

            9. And you’re the goat. 🤣🤣

              Like

            10. aathmana02 says:

              Nah.. I am that whip!🤣

              Liked by 1 person

            11. I’m the one who’s got the whip. 😎

              Like

            12. aathmana02 says:

              Cross check your costume.. you look like the one with two horns!😅🐃

              Like

            13. And you’re the one with hooves

              Like

            14. aathmana02 says:

              Just check your spelling.. it’s shoes!😏😅🤣

              Like

            15. Hoooveeessssss

              Like

            16. aathmana02 says:

              Mine are shoes only! You are the one wearing hooves!🤣

              Liked by 1 person

            17. Look at your feet.

              Like

            18. aathmana02 says:

              I did and I saw sparkling shoes… With a stain of blood from a bull.😮
              But now I wonder how well a bull could speak with humans.. how do you do that?😲

              Liked by 1 person

            19. Ask yourself. 😂

              Like

            20. aathmana02 says:

              I did.. and my conscience say not to slay the bull😂

              Liked by 1 person

            21. You have the right to dream.

              Like

            22. aathmana02 says:

              😂🤣funny!! Very very funny!😏

              Liked by 1 person

            23. Unlike you. 😎

              Like

            24. 😂😂 Anytime Ammu 🤝

              Like

            25. aathmana02 says:

              Girl power!!!😂😘

              Liked by 1 person

        2. Lol. Burn! 😂😂😂

          Liked by 3 people

            1. I’m laughing. And no, that doesn’t make me a sadist 😛

              Liked by 1 person

            2. You are ☹️

              Liked by 1 person

            3. Nope 🙂 😛

              Liked by 1 person

            1. Well done, Aswathy chechi 😂

              Liked by 2 people

            2. Acha? Aswathy are you recruiting people to annoy me? 😂😂

              Liked by 1 person

            3. We are way past that stage, PoD. As you can see, the team is working really well 😛

              Liked by 1 person

            4. Three against one is not fair fight

              Like

            5. Looks like the whole malayalee bunch is here to roast Bharath 😀

              Liked by 1 person

            6. Haha. Lol! It does seem so, isn’t it? I saw your comments and I couldn’t resist from butting in! 😀

              Liked by 1 person

            7. I am glad you did 😄

              Liked by 1 person

            8. Kill me 😂😂

              Liked by 1 person

            9. Killing is too easy. We will roast. Medium-dark slow roasing should do?

              Liked by 2 people

            10. I’m dark enough. 😂😂

              Like

            11. You disagree???

              Like

            12. I can be darker

              Like

  20. Sameera says:

    Why do I relate!😔

    Liked by 4 people

  21. Halbarbera says:

    💩…does…✈️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Halbarbera says:

        The other side of the 🌈!

        Liked by 2 people

        1. It’s the same old world

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Halbarbera says:

            Or maybe New cause you’re thinking like the Old You!?

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Doesn’t add up

              Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s