If I took your name, would it save me from shame? My sins laugh at me when I kneel and pray. When convictions suppress conscience, the only solace is faith. Tell me, what sanctifies you? I try to understand and fail. Sometimes, existence is belief and I choose to disbelieve. My wrong questions, their right answers justify your silence, magnify your absence and make me doubt your presence.
I wished, I hoped, I prayed; I’ve asked, I’ve knocked and looked for you, in pain, in vain with guilt and blame. What have I received? What was I shown? What do I believe? Your doors are closed. There is no evil, now I see; there is no good, it’s futile to seek. Whatever it is, rests with me.
Save your grace, I’ll be waiting, if you exist; come meet me in my grave.